Menage A Weed? Men, Women & Mary Jane
the420times | Apr 17, 2012 | Comments 0
Sex columnist and cannabis activist Mamakind, a/k/a/ Lisa Kirkman, is the author of Sex Pot: The Marijuana Lover’s Guide to Getting it On. She says they can go hand in hand–if you’re doing it right!
“Pot can enhance the sexual experience…and sex can enhance your pot smoking experience,” says Mamakind, laughing. “People use cannabis as an aphrodisiac and have for as long as we’ve been using it—for millennia.” But, what works for one user may not be effective for another.
“Would I be smoking a heavy indica right before I want to get it on? Probably not, because it could zone you out, put you to sleep a little bit,” advises Mamakind. “Am I going to have something that’s such a high sativa that I’m so ‘out there’ and flighty that I can’t even concentrate on anything at all? Probably not.”
But, when you find what works, cannabis can really help set the mood. “It increases the hormone—they call it the cuddling hormone—oxycotin, which is released when you have an orgasm,”says Mamakind. “It gives you a warm, trusting feeling. It makes you want to be close to someone…and cannabis increases that in both men and women.”
For men, marijuana has advantages over other common substances. “Most will work for women and, maybe mentally, for guys. You’ll be ready to go in your head,” she says. “But…pretty much any of the hard drugs—alcohol, of course, being the number one thing that people use to loosen themselves up as a precursor to sex—they’re not a guy’s friend! Whereas, with pot, you can—as we say in Canada—‘get ‘er done!’
“I’ve gotten various reports about its abilities as a ‘viagra,’” she says. “Whether it helps them get hard, stay hard or not come as quickly, I can’t say. It acts a little differently for everybody. But, I’ve gotten very good reports about it.” She also hears from men who use cannabis to overcome problems with premature ejaculation. “You want to be present in the experience, but you don’t want to be focused on orgasm,” she says.
Mamakind represents a segment of the community she calls ‘stiletto stoners.’ These women are open about their use of cannabis for recreational and medicinal purposes. For them, safety is among the concerns. “…There are dangers around going to a bar and having drinks these days. Someone could slip something in to your drink,” she says. “But you can bring your own joint and not have that issue.”
And, don’t forget the calories! “There are no calories, as opposed to a cosmo or glass of wine.”
But, according to Mamakind, the benefits of combining cannabis and sex go beyond the chemical, bringing couples closer together. “Just the act of sharing a joint or passing the pipe—you’re making contact with that person—will lead to other things you can do together. By the time you’re finished with that joint, most people have long forgotten about the TV or computer.”
“You don’t have to be chronic with the bong 24/7. There are couples who are saying, ‘once a month we get a little weed from our kid, we roll a doobie and this is our night to let loose,’” she says. “That’s enough to spice up vanilla lives; to keep things going and keep things fresh. And you’re both open to sharing new ideas about your relationship. No matter how much sex you have in a relationship, the foundation is being open and honest, because that’s how you gain intimacy.”
Among the questions Mamakind tackles most often comes from men wondering how to meet someone who shares your passion for marijuana. “Cannabis smokers shouldn’t feel bad about expressing their joy about cannabis. If you’re a pot geek, express yourself,” she advises. “You’re going to meet other pot geeks that way!”
“I’ve had many relationships that started on line. But, not necessarily a match.com ‘search for love’ kind of thing,” she jokes. “The cannabis community has a vibrant culture, especially on line. And, if you’re lucky enough to live in a place with cannabis-friendly venues, like Canada’s vapor lounges, those are good places to meet people. Or 420-themed comedy nights. Anti-prohibition activist events are good places. Activist chicks are hot!”
“The great thing about pot smokers is that we share in a circle,” she says. “Most of us would prefer to share a joint than smoke by themselves. ‘What are you smoking?’ is a great pick-up line.”
But, don’t brag about what you’re smoking unless it really is great. For men trying to impress a potential mate with their knowledge of or access to marijuana, Mamakind offers some cautionary advice: “Don’t be a schwaggie schlub!”
“Good pot will enhance sex. Bad pot won’t. It has to be clean, well cured. Because if you’re spending half of your time keeping your joint lit, that will put a damper on the whole experience,” she says. “If you’re doing it to impress, it’s best to have good stuff or nothing at all. It’s like trying to impress someone with your car—and then you get in and it won’t start.”
While most users indulge more casually, Mamakind says she also hears people who fetishize cannabis itself. For them, “the act of consuming it or vaping it or smoking it; the paraphernalia associated with it is a turn-on,” she says.
What varieties of cannabis get Mamakind’s top reviews?
“I tend to like mostly sativas,” she says. “For sex, I find that it’s motivating, it wakes me up. But at the same time I still feel really good. I know a lot of people who are the opposite. They like indica-dominant, but not full indica.”
“For me, I like something like Flo, which is mostly sativa. Also, Blueberry, which is the same genetic background, but on the indica side,” she says. Mamakind also recommends Skunk #1, for most people, which is another mostly sativa.
“I did a book called Happy Buds with Ed Rosenthal, which matched up strains with the activities they’re good for,” says Mamakind. “There’s Kama Sutra, which was really good. Strawberry Haze has been known to make people feel giggly and goofy—and all the fun stuff associated with having sex. And Passion Queen is more than just a name!”
Mamakind says the positive reactions to her books and columns cut across many divides. “Baby boomers love my book because they smoked pot in the 60s or 70s and then they stopped—they had their families and got conservative. Now, their kids are out and they’re going back to smoking a little weed,” she says. “They’re adults and they realize that what adults do with their body is their own business. They’re going back to using it as an aphrodisiac and all the wonderful reasons we use this ‘magical’ herb.”
For the author, the link between sex and cannabis is more than just casual. It has a political dimension. “The war on drugs and the war on sex are two sides of the same coin,” she says. “It’s all about sovereignty over our bodies. Even if you can’t be an activist out there with a sign, there are a lot of things you can do to help end the prohibition on cannabis worldwide.”
Mamakind’s book, Sex Pot: The Marijuana Lover’s Guide to Getting it On, was published in Fall, 2011. She’s on line at www.mamakind.com.